and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
