oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
