Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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