just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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