i can't believe i had my finger in that
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Everyone says I win the strip club
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
