Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
