genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
