i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
