Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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