Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just had sex on a roof
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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