Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
