kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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