i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
