mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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