yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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