He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
