We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Randomize
