he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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