So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
it hurts more in the daytime
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
