I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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