please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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