He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
