If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
We're too hungover to prance.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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