I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
