Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
