Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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