Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I think we might need a safe word for this...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
