I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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