He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
