You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
