Yo dont text me then not text me
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
