Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
