It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
