when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize