help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize