i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
