no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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