3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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