His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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