So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize