i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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