i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize