His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
