try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
