There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
