Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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