I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
