I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
pray to the hookup gods
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
