Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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