I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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