i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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