Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize