Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
they need to just BURY HIM!
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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