Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
