I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
