I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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