You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
