I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
