I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize
