Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
