Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize