I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize