i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I pour the whiskey from now on
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
