I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
