there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
tell your sister to shave her snatch
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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