I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
