Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
