And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Randomize
