How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
