she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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