did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
