I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
