Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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