im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
