does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize
