Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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