When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
