I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
