I only kidnapped one of them. chill
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I deserve this hangover.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize