omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize