i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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