She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize