Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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