Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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