The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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