I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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