i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
