I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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