If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
