You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
