I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
that is very illegal...i love you.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
