i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
