Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
