I want to have your abortion
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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