We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
