I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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