Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
