I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
