maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
