I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
