Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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