You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
