Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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