I'm really into asian looking animals
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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