She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize