One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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