my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
