Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
