The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
