If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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