i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
