I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
