Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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