wanna go halves on a baby?
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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