Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
