Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm too high and old for this...
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
